Emma

When I was first asked to do this piece, I must admit I skulked away into the shadows and gave my manager a very definite ‘no’ to the proposition.

My first thought was that of dread.  Having been privileged enough to live my new life in reasonable anonymity, I did not want the demons of my past to catch up with me and taint this new life I had created for myself.  After a few hours of this intense feeling, my reality and surroundings got the better of me.  I decided I did want to tell my story, even if it meant missing the last instalment of Trial and Retribution that I had waited all week to watch.

My one hope is if anybody reading this can find a glimmer of hope to change and do something positive with their life, whether it be drug related or not, then take that chance and embrace the unknown.  We are makers of our own destiny.

My story began 7 years ago in Phoenix House, Birkenhead.  It is a rehabilitation unit and the place where my life turned around forever.  I would love to say it was because of the fantastic programme they have place or the staff members to support you while you go through episodes of detox  and denial, but it was not.  Contrary of all the rules, it is where I met my fiancé.  I am not condoning this sort of behaviour in such an environment, but I would do it all again if I had to, especially now I know just how lucky I was to be in the wrong place at the right time.  Not only did I find my life partner, I also found the most tolerant, loving and generous people I’d ever met.  My new family.  I suppose this is where the story really begins.

I came to Leeds in 2002 after being asked very nicely to leave the unit in Birkenhead.  It could have been Bognor Regis or anywhere, but thank god it was Yorkshire.  My chap had the privilege of calling Leeds his home.

I remember meeting the family for the first time and can still picture their faces as they were confronted with this brash girl from the West Midlands.  I was viewed, rightly so, as another disaster in their son’s ‘car crash’ of a life.  He was already at rock bottom, as was I, but we were oblivious to the reality that preceded us.  At that stage we were still happy to live in our own little bubble, comfortably numb and shut off from the world.

It seems like a lifetime ago, we are now what you would call ‘normal’ members of society.  There have however, been many learning curves on the way, some harder than others, some more rewarding than others, but all have attributed to the place I find myself in today.  I would not have been able to achieve half the things if it hadn’t been for my new Mom and Dad and this I shall be eternally grateful for.

It was because of this new found strength that I decided I needed to make some changes on my own.  Things came to a head at Christmas 2007.  My time had come to branch out and move forward.  I was happy and secure to be a housewife and mom to my then 4 year old daughter but I needed something just for me, something I could get my teeth stuck into and call my own, my own claim to fame if you will.  That came in the form of volunteering down at Multiple Choice.

I felt so confident upon my arrival, believing I knew what direction I wanted this journey to take me on because of my experiences.  15 months on, I feel more confused than ever, but in a good way.  This is because I have literally enjoyed every aspect the project has had to offer.  Learning new skills has been inspiring if not a bit scary sometimes but essential none the less.  Being in a relaxed atmosphere and surrounded by people who are very supportive and have your best interests at heart, makes a winning formula for success.  Volunteering may not be for everyone, but for those who it does captivate, it can create many opportunities that one may not have thought possible.  I am not only talking about career choices or chances to better your education, but subtle things like increasing your confidence, meeting new people and making new friends, taking part in activities that would never have been on the agenda before.  All it asks in return is a commitment to attend.  This can be as little as once a week with the added advantage of the project being as flexible as it can be.  You certainly get out of it what you put into it.

I am 35 now and still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, what I do know is that what ever I do end up doing, it will be because Multiple Choice has given me options that just were not on the cards before.  I have an inner drive now that has always been there but not apparent.  I have dreams and ambitions that can lead me and my family forward to a place I always wanted to be part of but was always out of my reach.  I do not know what is around the corner, I wish I did have the ability if hindsight, don’t we all.  What I am certain of is my new ethos is onwards and upwards and I do believe the worst is behind me.  I shall stay determined to evolve graciously and concisely into a worthy and productive member of society, doing what, I do not know, but doing good.  None of this would have been possible without the loving support of my family or window of opportunity from Multiple Choice.  A big thank you to all and Ta rar  a bit as they say in the midlands!

Emma, volunteer.